You're Staring.

I was in Hollister yesterday, just bumming around when I couldn't get over the feeling that someone had been watching me since I got there. Then our eyes met, and I was like 'where have you been all my life?' The second thing I thought was 'Why am I wearing this ugly sweater?' and the third thing 'stop staring at me in my ugly sweater.'

But he wouldn't.

So, I came home and I found a picture of him.

Yup. This is him.

Yes. I know he was staring at you too.

They Have Won.

Happy Halloween!

Dance In A Nutshell

In Dance Company we had to write a short paper on our own philosophy of dance. To be perfectly honest with you, I wrote this in probably less than 20 minutes. Tada. Anyways. I didn't really think much about it, it all came pretty easy, because this is just how I feel about dance. But my dance teacher actually read my paper out loud to all of the other girls. ... awkward. Not really, but she said before she read it that she had to read the first paragraph three times before she understood it. Maybe that's because its a jumbled mess, or it could just be her. But hey, if she liked it enough to make her all teary-eyed, I thought I might as well put it up. So, to the world; here is how I view dance in a nutshell.

Philosophy of Dance

Philosophy is the study of the foundational features of knowledge, reality, and existence. We gain knowledge through facts, information and skills that we acquire from experience and learning. We use reality by dancing in the real world, and worlds beyond this one. And through our way of life, we use dance to exist.

Dance is an extraordinary thing because of it’s many uses. We use dance as an art form, a way to express ourselves, a way to re-tell a story, a physical exercise, to learn and grow, to touch others lives, and to touch our own lives.

Dance is the bridge between spiritual and physical. Dance takes energy, strength, and self-control, which must meet with emotion and soul. Because it takes so much effort to achieve this, only through practice and growth will this happen.

When words cannot be expressed, there comes dance in its stead. Dance is a way to express certain feelings and emotions that can better be said through the words of a body and movement than could ever be said in words. If you want to share your feelings in their fullest, you must let yourself go in dance. You are giving your entire self. Making you vulnerable to whoever may be watching. You must be brave. Many will not understand what you have to say, however even if there isn’t one who does, in your heart, you will have felt accomplishment that cannot be gained from anything other than dance in this world.

Fly me to the moon

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song

And let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

Fill my heart with song

Let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, in other words

I love ... you

-Frank Sinatra

I was out with my mom and my brother one day, driving around, as far as I remember having a grand old time, when my brother said, "Yep, I am going to be an astronaut when I grow up." I smiled and told him it was a brilliant plan not including the fact that NASA had just set up their last ship, and the program was basically over with. Why crush that right now, right? Soon after he said this, he asked me what month came after October. Oh my little brother. So, I asked him if he knew the song. You know, the song we all learned. The song which some of us still use to figure out which month follows October? Several times of singing it with him, I said he should sing it alone. And he went like this; January, February, March and April, May, June, July and August, September..... November? Nope Max, remember the whole, what comes after October question?

This conversation didn't phase me until a few days later. How could I expect Max to be able to become an astronaut in a dying program. But how could I expect him to be able to do this without knowing when November came? It won't happen. Thats how. But he still believes he can. So why shouldn't I? Dreams are what makes us who we are. Without them I don't think we would know what to do with ourselves. So to my little brother who wants to be an astronaut. If you ever are unsure of when November is, I will always be here to tell you. Because if we all know when that is, I believe we can do anything.

Expressions of Love

Once upon a time I took a stupid online quiz. Just something that came up when I was stumbling. It was kinda about life and all of that. We have all taken one. Like a Phycology quiz or whatever. So, one of the questions says something like; you come upon a bush of red and white roses and you pick 20. How many roses of each color do you pick? I said 19 red and 1 white. You know, for dramatic effect or whatever. So at the end of the quiz while it was explaining the answers to me, and it said that the roses symbolized love. The red roses are how much love you expect to receive and the white how much you expect to give. So the dumb quiz was telling me that I expect 95% of love and am only willing to give 5%. I blew it off. These quizzes always lie. Right? But wouldn't it be sad if it was true? I mean, that was months ago, and for some reason I am still thinking about it.

My dad recently sent me this amazing video. Usually I just roll my eyes at these because thats just what I do. I close off to these. But this one kinda caught me and I ended up loving it. Crying actually. Shhhh thats a secret. But watch it and just love it. because it was really sweet and it kinda has to do with all this silly love stuff. Not that I am or have been in love or anything. just directed at the people I love. My family in friends. I want to give more than 1 white rose.

Girls Camp

In my Spanish class this year, instead of learning spanish we actually just learned about Mr. Burtenshaws (Spanish teacher's) life. He had a pretty interesting life and he told the stories really well, so I honestly didn't mind at all. One day he told a story about his towns girls camp. He started by explaining how small his town was. How everybody knew everybody. For two whole weeks all of the girls in the town would go to girls camp. He said it was on a property far up a road and in the woods in some cabins. During those two weeks all of the boys in the town would try to sneak in. Brilliant idea. Because of this, all of the dads in the town would take shifts guarding the camp. He said it turned out to be more of a game between the boys and the dads then anything. If the boys were caught, they had to do community service. He said it was pretty intense and they had quite a few years to try to get in. He told us all of the ways they tried and all of the plans they had. Apparently only a few boys got into the camp every year. He sadly wasn't one of them. But anyways, what I'm getting at is tomorrow I and about a bazillion other girls are headed off to stake girls camp. Boys, It's in Heber, not too far away. If you're up for a challenge, try sneaking in. Then, you should come and find me. Cause hey. It's girls camp baby.

Thought Of You

In my spare time, or time that I honestly don't have but just waste, I like to stumble. Nope, this is not tripping or falling. Stumbling is, well it's a website that takes you to other random websites. If that makes any sense at all. It's really awesome. It's an awesome waste of time, but it's still awesome nonetheless. Stumbling is also very fun to do with someone else. So, we can do it sometime. Ok?

So, Eliza was stumbling. Just with herself, and she came across something so completely amazing, it made me cry. She posted it on my Facebook wall, and now I watch it probably 4 times a day. So, here is the thing. I would really like to do this with someone. So if you are watching this and you think you could possibly do this with me, or maybe know someone... come running to my house. Because I will fall in love with you. I mean, I'm still working on the growing wings on the spot thing, but I think we can maybe pull it off.

I found it on youtube. Because it's easier to watch that way.

This is breathtaking. Watch it.

100 Truths

This post is 100 truths about me. Mainly. It's just a little random and the truths probably have a little inconsistency but hey, read em' anyways. Learn a little more about me. And if you already know all of these things, then I'm impressed and we should probably be dating. So tell me. here it goes. 100 Truths of Amelia.

1. I have a hard time not stepping to the beat of the music while shopping at the mall.
2. My favorite foods are avocados, havarti cheese, chicken, oranges, peaches, milk, ice cream, bruschetta and lettuce.
3. I enjoy being alone.
4. I like to climb trees.
5. I'm in love with colors.
6. I can't stand fast blinking blinkers.
7. I use too much toothpaste.
8. I take cold showers.
9. My patronus is a fox... or a wolf, or a bird, or a coy fish.
10. I laugh hardest when I am by myself.
11. I'm good running on about 4-5 hours of sleep.
12. I don't use a bookmark.
13. Other peoples relationships bother me. I don't like hearing about people getting together, and I don't like hearing about people breaking up.
14. I hate stores like tai pan and pier 1.
15. I love flowers. Even when they die I still love them.
16. I'm always needing to pee.
17. I have 256 songs from all the Zelda games.
18. I am constantly sarcastic.
19. I don't like wearing what everybody else is wearing.
20. I have weird dreams and I usually remember them all.
21. I want to take scissors to my hair and randomly cut.
22. I can't wear the color yellow.
23. I am easily entertained, but lose interest very quickly.
24. I hate fake nails. (sorry)
25. When I find a movie I love, I watch it over and over and over again.
26. I accidentally swallow my gum a lot.
27. I really wish I was a soccer girl.
28. When I am typing something, and I notice that I have typed something wrong, I erase everything up to that point in order to fix it.
29. I'm usually icing something.
30. At night while driving I get super scared when crossing the train tracks and that light shines right in my face I think I am going to die.
31. I should probably start doing my hair.
32. I've had my life flash before my eyes before, and once it was over I said, "that was it?"
33. I hate how people can't get the to, too and two thing. it's just so simple.
34. I can't stand how people have to chew their ice cream.
35. I set my alarm for 5am and put it on the other side of the room so that when it goes off I have to jump out of my bed and hit the snooze button, just because I love the ringing sound and laying in my bed with a pounding chest.
36. I am horrible at parking.
37. I adore art museums.
38. I have a hard time flying a paper air plane.
39. I hardly ever answer my phone.
40. I like 25mph roads because it gives me a longer time to think.
41. I love the cello.
42. I want to be a sexy spy who runs around in heels.
43. I am not a big fan of surprises.
44. I love the sparkly floors at forever 21.
45. If I don't write in my journal I don't sleep well.
46. I laugh at people who can't maintain their composure.
47. I love shoes, but I like wearing them a whole lot less.
48. I love wearing socks outside.
49. I know what I want and there aren't many times when I don't get it.
50. If I listen to the same artist too many times in a row I get depressed.
51. I actually enjoy being stressed out.
52. If I could have another piercing I totally would.
53. I look best in blues. Particularly royal blue.
54. My eyes change color. Along with my hair.
55. I like wearing lipstick.
56. I wonder how many people have blocked me on Facebook.
57. I think my greatest fear may be myself.
58. I love wearing my socks outside.
59. My favorite season is fall. The next is spring.
60. I hate decorations and holiday music.
61. I can't stand text that isn't justified.
62. I want to write a book someday.
63. When I am holding someones hand I have to be underneath.
64. I don't like driving with the windows rolled down.
65. Toilet paper has to be coming over not under.
66. I like floral everything.
67. I like turning pages.
68. Pearls are my favorite stone.
69. I am going to be a manikin when I grow up.
70. I like old lady clothes.
71. I love to learn.
72. Without fail I always type 'birthday' as 'brithday' (you can only imagine the time I had trying to do that one)
73. I never got a parking pass.
74. I say the word brilliant quite a bit.
75. I can't wink. Never ever going to be cool enough. So if I try to wink at you, just laugh.
76. Lamps remind me of soap operas.
77. I hate automatically flushing toilets. I have to jump up and down in front of them to get them to go off. I just recently found out that there is a button on top.
78. I hate people touching my hair. Only a select few can.
79. I love red hair.
80. I like boys with spiky hair. Those cute fohawks.
81. Sleeping is a complete waste of time.
82. I'm a true eagle.
83. I love the smell of laundry detergent.
84. I like taking naps in the grass.
85. I'm totally a princess.
86. I have a hard time not looking at people in their cars while waiting at a light.
87. I have never broke a bone.
88. I can't drink milk at other peoples houses. It creeps me out.
89. I don't like babies.
90. I wake up at 2 in the morning and am really really hungry.
91. I like it when people call me by cute pet names.
92. My favorite book is Girl With A Pearl Earring.
93. Apparently I'm intimidating.
94. When I'm walking I like to be reading something.
95. I love writing letters. And receiving letters too.
96. I don't sleep with a pillow.
97. I have never seen lost, the office, or any of your other favorite shows.
98. This took more than one day to write.
99. I had only two goals for this past school year, and I completed neither of them. Maybe next year you could help me out with them.
100. If I could be anyone, it would be hermione granger. Because she is stunning in every way.

well. Thats it. That is my 100 truths. And just one more time, if you knew all of that, call me up. Because we should probably be dating.

You should probably just laugh

If you asked me what my normal day consisted of, I honestly couldn't give you a very good answer, because my days are all over the board. Take today for example. Just for example.

I woke up and had the biggest glass of milk possible. Drove to school while singing Norah Jones. Read about 4 chapters of my English book before class started so I could actually know a little bit for the test and practically fell asleep in Spanish. During 3rd period we took the math CRT, which I finished in about 50 minutes excluding question 69 which for some reason I could not do for the life of me. I spent the rest of the period on that one problem and got nowhere with it. Failure. I came home and was freezing so I put on sweats over my pants and long blue socks which I wore diligently throughout the rest of the day. I watched Modern family which makes me laugh literally out loud even though I'm by myself. I ran into a wall and now have a goose egg on the side of my head. Went to a baseball game where I learned what a pickle was and attempted at going to mutual where I sat in the parking lot for about 7 minutes then went home. Then I took off my shoes and did cartwheels in my blue socks outside on a hill which is actually a very unusual task.

So, what I'm getting at, is... well, you should probably just laugh.

My Fatal Flaw

I have finally come to the conclusion of what my fatal flaw is. I decided just this week. I have had a really big week of dance, with Dance Company and BYU performances every night. In Dance Company I was in 13 of about 16 dances, which makes for some pretty fast changes. Likewise with BYU. Like 10 second changes backstage. And if I didn't have the help of some amazing girls who helped me all night, I probably would have keeled over and died. Because, you see, my fatal flaw is getting dressed.

Performances (so as not to get confused.)

Wednesday (Dance Co)

Thursday (Dance Co)

Friday Morning (BYU)

Friday (BYU)

Saturday (BYU)

On Wednesday night, there was not a costume that I put on right. I would be running really fast, go out, dance my heart out, just to come off and have someone tell me that my shirt was on either backwards, inside out, or stuck in my pants. In one of the dances I came off stage only to find that my pants were ALL three of those things. So yes, I had a nice little tag as a tail. It's a beautiful thing. But part of me kind of doesn't care that all my costumes were screwy. Because... well I don't really know why. Maybe I just hope that people will look at my lack of getting dressed correctly skills as charming and kind of funny. Who knows. Like I said before. It's just my fatal flaw.

A Couple Things

So I pretty much lost my last chance to become a real Queen. The big marriage happened. I watched it on t.v. It was happy. Dang it. But, I kinda have one more chance to become a Princess. Sort of. I mean Prince Harry is kinda old, and most likely has a girlfriend, and lives in London. But, other than that... yeah, most likely not going to happen. Thats ok, they aren't that cute anyways. Like whatever right??

Went to Prom. With Andrew Swenson. I loved it. I was reading my sisters blog, and well, she blogged about it. So, I thought I should too.

Prom: I was waiting around because once you get heels on, you can't exactly do much, when his parents and his sister come in the back door. We are 'old family friends' as my mom likes to call it. So, it was all super cool. Just about two minutes later he comes to the front door with TWO corsages. Two people. He said I got to choose. One was blue, and the other pink. I chose the pink one because it was smaller, but I loved them both. We took some model worthy photos, and were off. For dinner he took me to Gloria's. It was so happy. Amazing. I would go back in a heartbeat. I could have stayed there all day. Lets go? And then we danced. And danced and danced. We went to Jamba, and ended the night with Harry Potter 7. ahh. Andrew knows how to date me. It was a flurry of everything amazing. So, thank you Andrew, for the Prom night of my dreams. Which is just a little twisted. <3

Oh yeah, he wore baby blue.

And I wore an attractive minx.

It was happy.

Prom: 2011

Eliza is moving back. I am really excited. I need her. She is a listener. Its her hobby. I'm not. Thats why I need one. We are going to have the best summer ever.

I Lost My Earring People.

Hey. So I have a little problem and I think you might be able to help me. You see. I lost my favorite earring of all time. Like I will never have a more favoritest earring than this one. Here it is.

Yeah. So there it is. I drew that with my artistic skills. See, I have one of them because I frequently wear only one earring. Is that so weird? I honestly don't think so. So, I am only missing one. But, these earrings are not only thee most amazing most beautiful earrings in the world, but they are special because my best friend Eliza gave them to me. And I love them so so ever so much. I feel so awful. For a while I have actually been denying that I am missing one. But, it's time to face this problem. So, if you could look around, and you happen to spot this one earring? Could you return it to me? Because, I need them in my life. Oh yeah, and don't tell Eliza. I don't want her to know. I feel awful as is.

Thanks people. Call me. And lets get this earring back into our lives!

Harry Potter.

So Eliza showed me these amazing Harry Potter... thingys. And I love them. I read them like 12 times a day. If you are ever going to take a Harry Potter Exam, study up on these. They are amazingly funny. There are 4 books. Click on them and cross your fingers that they will come up all big. Because if they don't, thats super sad for you. Anyways. Thanks Liza. For showing me these.

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

I'm 16.

I am pretty sure my 16th year is going to be a long year of raging hormones, because 6 months ago I lived and breathed turning 16, 2 weeks ago I could have honestly cared less, and last night I absolutely hated the idea.

I was shipped off to the basement last night to find that I have invented a new theorem. Or equation. Or, well you get the idea.

Amelia + exercise = Happy

Exercise = sleep.

Happy = sleep.

Amelia = happy when exercise + sleep

Spring break = no exercise.

Amelia = no sleep.

So. There you have it. Last night I decided I would watch Sleeping Beauty. After, (12:00am) I tried to go to sleep. In vain. So I grabbed my nifty book light and headed upstairs to our library. While searching for a good couple minutes, I found 6 different versions of the story Sleeping Beauty, where I then tip-toed back down the stairs and into my room. I read all of the versions until about 2. Some were very much the same, and some different. Where am I going with this? I am not exactly sure. But one very common theme was Prince Phillip? A babe. Sleeping Beauty? A princess. I? am Sleeping Beauty. Call me if you're Prince Phillip.

I woke up this morning, tried to stay in bed for another, got out at 7:30, and got ready for the day. It felt normal people. Trust me. I mean, my parents told me to go and pick some more berries, I told them it was my birthday, why am I picking berries? I sang with some birds. The usual. But then, a prince comes grabs my hands and starts dancing with me. Well, yeah, we fell in love. Then, my parents told me that I was really a princess (surprise surprise) and I was taken to a castle to meet the guy I was supposed to marry. I was sad about the guy in the woods but, what's a girl to do? Then, my old pal Maleficent came, I pricked my finger, fell asleep for a couple hours, and woke up to a kiss. So, thank you to everyone who came to my wedding!

Yeah, perfect day, am I right?

Oh and if you're wondering whether any of this happened today or not? It did.

My Sleeping Beauty Story

Maleficent. She's pretty cool

Me, Dreaming about the prince I don't know about yet.

Prince Phillip. He's a babe.

This is us. Dancing. Falling in love. Whatever.

Me. I am sleeping. Beautifully. (ironically.)

Me and him. Like wow.

Just Following The Footsteps

So, I think this life of mine needed a little relief, because today, I definitely got it. I have been stressed out to my neck recently. It really has been awful.

I went to school today in my choir dress because I was told that we were taking choir photos. Everyone failed to mention that it wasn't just for choir, but for every bloody club in the entire school. If I would have known how many pictures I was actually going to be taking I would have sure as hell taken out my freaking curling iron. But, no. I pulled the 'natural girl' look today. And really Amelia? The outfit that I chose today couldn't have been something less... granola? I didn't even wear jewelry. But, you know what? My day was so freaking brilliant that none of this even mattered until right now.

I get called down to the auditorium early during first period (Seminary) for my choir picture. Take it. Sign the little list so they can put my name under it. Get dressed. Back to class. I was in second period for about five minutes (choir) when I hear my TRUE club gets called down. 'Will the Harry Potter Club come down and get their picture taken now please." I go down, stand with my mates. Do a freaking awesome Hermione Granger pose. Sign the list. When they call up Eagle Pride Club. Some of my friends start filtering in on the stage and they start putting everyone into rows. Now, I had two choices. 1. Go back to the worst part of my life, choir, or 2. take a picture as an Eagle Pride Member.

My mom hasn't told me very many stories about her life in high school, but one that I do remember was her telling me about her own Club Photo Day. (It was a shock to me to find out today that we still have one of these. I mean, that was a really long time ago. We are like, ages ahead now, right?) but, she told me that when they started calling down certain clubs, she and her friends would go and stand in every photo that they could. Ski club? Oh yeah, she was in it. Chess Club? that one too. So if I learned anything from my mother about what to do in high school, it was to get in as many clubs as you possibly could.

So, after Eagle Pride, and FBLA (which we re-named as Fun BarbiePlaying Loser AssociationClub) I went back to second period for about the last five minutes.

I hate to say it, but third and fourth totally went the same way. I finished what I needed to in class, and then, I left.

I managed to get into the:

1. Choir

2. Harry Potter Club

3. FBLA

4. Eagle Pride Club

5. Jedi Club

6. Meditation Club

7. Stress Relief Club

8. The PSTKFS or something Club

9. The something foreign Language Club

10. Dang it, what was it. Oh well, I was totally just in the moment. (there were 10 though)

Wow. Am I right? Funny thing is, I was wearing a black sweater with sparkling rhinestones covering the whole thing. Like attack of the rhinestone woman or something. The people should have noticed after like 10 freaking clubs right? I mean come on. By the last five photos I was in, they started to get smart by having a role call list of that club. You could only go up if your name was called. So, I would wait with all of the other hopefuls and wait until some absent girls name was called so I could just go take her place. It was genius I tell you. So, I would sneak onto the stage and go to the back row so I wouldn't stand out. And they would start calling people out that they noticed had slipped on, like "hey you, you have been up here before. get out of here." and then multiple times they would say, hey, girl with the sparkly shirt. Come down on the first row, you're too short to be up there. umm... okay. whatever you say. I mean seriously? Idiot. Notice me again? and again? Whatever. I was okay with it.

But hey, if anyone asks why, I'm just following in the footsteps man.

Damn Bathrooms.

Come on. Can the freaking school have a little bit of intelligence? Put the mens and women's restrooms on the same side throughout the entire school. I swear. They are different at everyone and it's completely killing me. When I have to go, I don't want to have to stand outside and read every time. Embarrassing? Yes. Like today. I had to hurry because I was supposed to be at a practice during lunch. So I was running down the hall, and to my dismay found myself in the men's side. Yes, my friend Kelsey did have to run in a little ways to pull me out. Really? Ah.

Damn Bathrooms.

This Is The Plan

So, I took 'The Plan' yesterday. Can I say ew? It was awful. A big waste of time really. I walked out of the Chinese room finally at the end of lunch and was like, what was that? We spent the longest time reading directions. Funniest directions ever I think. I mean, other than my dads friends climbing directions. Did you know that you can't use a calculator on any part of the test except math, or else you will get kicked out of the test. Crap! I freaking used my calculator on the English section of the test! Kill me! I mean, how does that even work. And going on about the calculator, there were about 20 requirements on what your calculator needed, and what it couldn't have. Also, it was strictly against the rules to 'run off' with a test booklet. All I can see in my head is someone jumping up in the middle of the test and bolting off with a test booklet clutched in his arms. What makes makes a book a booklet anyways? The worst part of the test was the last section. Science. Puke all over me. I didn't know what any of the questions were asking me. I started thinking eff, eff, eff, eff. So I filled in the 'F' bubble. I just did a random fill in. I ended up trying to spell out words. Fun? Yes. Anyways. We will see how 'The Plan' actually turns out for me.

The Girl in the Mirror

I was walking home from a voice lesson and it was kind of dark and shady outside. And I saw this puddle in the ditch that kind of called to me. So I leaned over and my reflection was so clear. Mainly just my outline, but I could see the sky and the trees behind me. So I ran inside and grabbed my camera. As I was taking the picture, I started to think about something that is probably a constant wonder to most of us. How people see me.

When I look into the mirror while I am putting my contacts in, in the early morning, I see one of two things depending how I have been feeling. I look into my eyes and reach down into my soul and see so much potential and drive and an underlying beauty just waiting to dance for someone. Or I see nothing. No potential. No drive. An underlying piece of crap. When I am feeling that internal beauty, it doesn't really matter to me what people are thinking, or what I wish or want or know they are thinking. I feel like just myself. A perfect Amelia. But when I am not, I walk down the hall, and I can't help but look into others eyes and wonder what they are thinking. Do they see potential? Do they see beauty? Do they see someone great? Or someone they know? Or am I easy to pass by. An outline like my reflection in the water. A figure or shape that is just walking past.

I want to make a lasting impression on people. I want to be someone who they will remember the face and the spirit, instead of just the outline.

The Bird Man

I don't know why. But I can never get tired of seeing this commercial. It makes me so so happy. This man is brilliant. I am going to build a birdhouse now I think.

I want a bird man.

Dreams, Music and My Life.

It's weird to look back at your life and notice patterns. With me, the patterns come in music, and dreaming. Sometimes for weeks on end I will have the same dream, over and over again. And, eventually when I leave that stage or phase in my life, the dream will change. When nothing is happening, I dream randomly. The same goes with music. I will listen to one person for the phase, and then, once it's over, the music depresses me.

Right now, the music is all Jack Johnson. I love him. He is good to wake up to, go to sleep to, or do anything to really. My dream? I would call it, very unique. But, what dream isn't, right? Pretty much, me and my boyfriend battle and defeat dinosaurs together. Then, he kisses me and I wake up. Over and Over. It never really gets boring. Trust me. The boy? I hate to say it, but, he pretty much changes every night. So, yes. I might have been dreaming about you last night. And we pretty much smashed those dinosaurs together, just saying.

I don't know what is happening in my life that is causing all of this right now. I will probably figure it out when it's over. But, I am liking it. So, I think I will stay here for a while.

The Future Husband

It was the third hour it church. I was almost done. Just one more. I walked into the classroom and saw 'Future Husband' written on the board. So I turned around, and walked out of the room. Don't worry, I decided to go back. Just. The idea of talking about husbands right now? I mean, I have had this lesson a million times, but this time I just didn't want to hear it. So when I went in for the second time, I had my Sudoku book in my hand.

We started off by taking a little quiz. A 'what do you want your man to be like' quiz. The questions were like; What are his special skills? What are his talents/hobbies/interests? What are his physical traits? What is his spiritual preparation like? What kind of education does he have? What are some career goals? Questions like that. Everyone was bent over their papers scribbling down their 'answers' and I was just sitting there. So I started to put down things like; Skills? Good kisser. Physical traits? Tall, dark and handsome. Spiritual preparation? My preference would be he came from heaven, but whatever really. Crap like that. I looked over at Erin's paper and under interests she had, 'in me'. ha. yeah. exactly.

Everyone starting sharing what they put down. He needs to be loving, and happy and supportive. It doesn't matter what he looks like really because it's whats on the inside .... blah blah blah. I decided that no one would really appreciate my joking answers, so I flipped over my paper and started to write something new.

- He likes to do puzzles

- likes to watch me study

- finds me completely fascinating

- loves to go to museums

- loves to go on walks

- likes to read

- easy going (the opposite of me)

- likes to wear sweaters (I love sweaters)

- who I can laugh around

- who I can sing around

- who I can dance around

- who I can eat around

- I can ask him questions

- who will try the tea I drink

- who teaches me how to play his sport

- who teases me about 30% of the time, and the rest he praises me

I think I could keep going. But, I think you get the point. I understood what everyone was saying in the room, I just don't like the idea of husbands yet. I mean, I haven't even ever had a boyfriend. I might just skip it all actually, and go adventuring instead. Maybe you can come. But if I really do have to do all of this, I just want someone that will make me happy. And content. That is all I am really looking for. Is satisfaction.

Welcome to Narnia

I was going for the Narnia look. Thats what I was shooting towards, at least. I think I got more of a pirate look. At least that is what everyone said it looked like. I had been watching t.v. and then comes on the what, 14th Narnia trailer? And I saw this girls outfit, and I knew I needed it. Bad. I thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life trying to find all of the things to make this outfit look like hers. But, I went down and started looking through my closet and I had the entire outfit. Simple. Easy. Whatever. The great search was over. Halloween close enough a couple of minutes ago, but now it seemed too far. Tomorrow? Could I pull this off as a school outfit? Works for me. I wasn't going to wait that long to wear this. I had it now. I was going to wear it the next day.

I woke up, put on the outfit and looked in the mirror. Yeah, no way this is happening. I started to take off my shirt, and for some reason reached into the genie pants pocket. Inside was something I could have expected. The little tag at the end of a tea bag. It had a quote written on it.

So, I left it on. This is who I am. And so, I was proud of it. I didn't really care all day. I had thee most best photographer in the world Erin Davis, take a snapshot of the moment, you know, after we looked up the girl, and tried to imitate her. It was great.

And now... who is next??

Running Across The World Without Shoes.

Today, Kelsey, Ciara and myself were driving home from school, just talking about random things really, when Ciara, told me that she had been reading my blog. That, made me feel like a goddess. I mean, honestly, someone who takes the time to read this, and then tells me in person or somewhat in person that they enjoyed it, is my hero. So. Thank you. I love you. A lot. So, I told her that. I told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then the car stopped. Kelsey yelled that to get out of her car. Something about her not being the best thing that ever happened to me. So, I opened the door, and jumped out just as she was driving away.

I stood there laughing while I watched them drive away, knowing they were laughing too. I just waited there. This scenario had happened a million times. We mockingly yell, you spring from the car, and they speed off. Then, sooner than later, they turn around and you get back in, and tell everyone you know how funny it all was. Note the sooner than later.

I watched them turn the corner, and then around the next. Umm... hello? Did you guys study up on what I just said? Forget something?? I am still here. I grabbed at my pocket thinking I could just call the dorks when I realized that I had been a dork myself. I had left my phone in the car that had just drove away from me. I had piano at three. What time was it? No idea. I hadn't put on my watch today. So, I took off my snake skin flats, a.k.a. uncomfortable flats, and started to run.

It was cold, and wet. But I didn't care. I felt... wonderful. For the first time in a long time. Like nothing could touch me. It was just the sun shinning through my hair, and my feet pounding on the ground. A shoe in each hand. My feet hadn't touched the ground since last fall. Princess feet now. Soft and smooth. All wear of climbing trees had been long gone. The road with the horrible rocks on it usually repulsed me. But my feet were numb in just seconds, and I couldn't feel anything. Just my spirit singing to what it really needed. I jumped over big mounds of mud, but ended up just treading right through the snow.

I don't exactly know what my soul needed, and I don't even know what it got. But I do know that it got something. And whatever it was. It was brilliant.

I forgot my wand...

So, we walked into the building, school building that is, me wishing that I could drive, when I heard a mummer of club day. I thought, club day!?! What! So I turned to my friends and said, "But it can't be club day. I am in the Harry Potter club, and I forgot my wand!"

Yes, I am in the Harry Potter club at my school. It's great. Actually it kind of sucks. Unorganized and underdeveloped. Don't get me wrong. I love Harry Potter, in fact I really wish that I was Hermione Granger. Jealous of her actually. However, I got a little sour on the first day when the sorting hat (a.k.a. random picking) sorted me into Gryfinndor. I have always wanted to be in Ravenclaw. I mean, honestly? Whatever. I just have to keep telling myself that it was completely random. It wasn't serious. I am still a true Ravenclaw. No matter what.

Favorite spell: Episkey

Wand: 12 inches, rosewood, a single hair from the tail of a particularly fine male unicorn as the core.

House: Ravenclaw. Is there really any better?

Best classes: Ancient ruins, potions, charms.

I Am Poem.

In Mr. Roaches Honors English class today, after jotting down (as he likes to call it) some Eponym notes, he told us to write a 'quick' I Am poem. He gave us the format and, it actually was pretty quick. I mean, he gave us like just a couple minutes to actually write the poem. Mine, ended up, weird. Sucking. And pretty predictable. I called, I Am. Witty right?

I Am.

I am trying to find a door to another world.

I wonder when I will find it.

I hear the nagging voices surrounding me.

I see the handle in my view.

I want to reach it someday.

I am trying to find a door to another world.

I pretend I am elegant and held together.

I feel trapped and expiring.

I touch the surface of falling.

I worry it will break.

I cry out for help, but can't unearth any.

I feel lost and misunderstood.

I am trying to find a door to another world.

I say that I will find it.

I dream that I will.

I try to imagine what it will be like.

I hope it will show itself to me.

I am trying to find a door to another world.

I know right? Not the best thing ever. And I knew this while I was writing it. Like I would put down a word, thinking, wow this really sucks, and then went on with it. I mean, what is this shit about falling? ... through what?

I noticed the clock edging closer and closer to the end of the class, he wanted everyone to read their poem. I was in the middle of the room, I could make it. I knew I could. we went along, everyone reading. He got to me, and I finished the last 'world' and the bell rang. Honestly. An extra 30 seconds and I wouldn't have had to read mine out loud to the class. Carma or whatever I guess.

So, I was in my Spanish class, sitting in my new seat at the only table in the entire class without one boy, thinking about my little poem. I thought of quite a few things that I should have and definitely could have said instead. Ironically, I still named it: I Am.

I Am.

I am Amelia Pullman.

'I wonder' is the song that I love to sing in the shower.

I hear only the things that I want to hear. Usually.

I see more with contacts in than glasses.

I want pretty much everything.

I am Amelia Pullman.

I pretend I am perfect, when I know that I am not.

I feel my socks and they are bothering me.

I touch a lot of air. My arms are always waving about.

I worry constantly and about everything.

I cry, yes I do.

I feel like there is too much feeling.

I am Amelia Pullman.

I say. More like talk everyones ears off.

I dream more than I actually carry out.

I try my very hardest. Most of the time.

I hope that I will be happy. Just content. Satisfied. Happy.

I am Amelia Pullman.

Now I just wish that I had an extra 30 seconds in Honors English again.

Partners In Crime

All of Max's jokes are becoming funny to me now. Maybe its because I haven't been around enough funny people lately, or maybe it's because I just feel like laughing, or maybe it's because he just really is funny. we have never really gotten along before and one of the only times that we get along perfectly is while playing video games. We love it. We are the best at it when we are together. The number one game these past couple of weeks has been Nintendo 64 Mario party. We have played it so many times we know how many coins we are going to get after a duel. but we have also pulled out other games, like: Donkey Kong, Banjo Kazooie, Brawl (which I am becoming quite excellent at,) Bomber Man, DDR, Wii fit, Jack and Daxter.... blah blah blah, and of course the crowning jewel, Zelda. Both Nintendo and Wii Zelda games are awesome. Zelda is our best friend. once of the only reasons I have to live at the moment. I am going to be Zelda someday.

Max know that if he wants to make me immediately and ultra happy all he has to say is that if I had a long dress on I would pretty much look exactly like Zelda herself.

But what I am really trying to say here is not that video games are amazing, but that lately the feelings between me and my brother are completely different. They are completely better.

Essay

Here is an essay I wrote. Totally profound enough and well, bloggish enough to put on here. Look just below at my last blog and you will find the real reason I am putting it on here. A sequel really.

(honors book report.)

Losing a Friend

The people whom you love the most often times take the greatest exit or, maybe it just seems to you as the greatest exit because of their great presence in your life. We all have people who leave us, either forever or just temporarily. Recently like Greit, the main character in Girl With A Pearl Earring, who moved out into the world, my sister did also.

Greit left her sister Agnes, who was also her best friend behind. Though the change could have been temporary and she did not think that she would be leaving her forever, she indeed did. When you leave the protection of your home you leave it forever, stepping out of one world and entering another. The end of the book holds a beautiful paragraph from Greit’s point of view; “When we were children Frans and Agnes and I would throw stones to shatter the thin ice until every sliver had disappeared under the water. It seemed like a long time ago.” She said this after seeing something that triggered a memory. It is comforting to me to think that she still thought about and missed what once was.

Ironically, the same as Greit, my sister left at the first of the week and we didn’t hear from her until the following Sunday. The book said, “Only thieves and children run. And I ran the whole way home.” I inferred that she thought herself to be still a child and ready to come home. But, as I have said before, this was not her home anymore. And though she was indeed ready for a visit, she was no longer a child. She came back more as an adult. In just that one week so much had changed about her. My sister came back the same way. Ready for a visit, but no longer to her home. She came back different. The air about her was stronger and seemed to hold more wisdom than it had when she left. She seemed my superior now, where before we had always been equals. She was still my best friend but there was something that would never be the same between us.

Agnes walked Greit to the edge of town to be able to have a private moment. Their conversation was quiet and is where my favorite quote is found:

When we were alone, I asked her how she was. “Lonely,” she replied, a sad word from a young girl. She had been lively all day but had now grown subdued.

“I’ll come back every Sunday,” I promised. “And perhaps during the week I can come quickly say hello after I’ve gone for the meat or fish.”

“Or I can come and see you when you are out buying things,” she suggested, brightening.

We did manage to meet in the meat hall several times. I was always glad to see her – as long as I was alone. (45)

At the end of my sisters Sunday visit, I walked outside with her to her car. She also asked me how I was, and without realizing until now of how much we copied the above conversation, I said one word. “Lonely”. She then promised me that she would come back every Sunday to see me. She then reminded me that in just a few months time I would be sixteen and driving and it would be much easier for us to see each other during the week. This brightened my mood also. All I can do now is hope that she still is happy to see me every time we meet.

At one point in the book Agnes becomes very sick and ends up dying. This was tragic to me. Greit mentions how nothing would ever be the same in the house where she once lived because Agnes is now gone. She constantly remembers the memories she and her little sister shared. She grieves over the treasure she has lost. Now I have not yet died, nor do I plan to. The only thing that I can see dying is the future memories that I want to have with my sister, as did Greit with Agnes. I hope that will never happen, and Tracy Chevaliers words made me realize that harsh reality of losing something that is so precious like this.

It's Called Eliza Withdrawals

So, she moved out. Yeah. Big deal. Actually a very big deal in my book. My roommate for 15 years has up and left me. I don't even hardly know what to do with myself. I have spread all of my things out in my room to fill the empty space, but now it just looks... well, big and spread out and still empty. My room was actually a disaster even after she left. A Surprise. Yes, yes I know, I didn't jump right onto cleaning up the tornado that had so often hit. And if you know me it would seem like a task that I would be eager to take on. But, I let everything just sit on the ground. Me with it all, feeling confused and unsure of what to do with it all. My mom finally kicked me in the butt and told me to start cleaning. Something she has hardly ever had to do with me.

It is the nights that are the weirdest. I used to wait up until 12 or sometimes even 1 for her to come home, and then we would watch t.v. or or talk or sometimes even bring me food like ice cream or something doughy because she knows that's what I love or she would come and scoot me over and fall asleep on my twin bed with me. Those were the best and the worst nights all at the same time. But on that last night that she was still truly living at home I waited up until 2 . I wouldn't go to sleep. It was our last night and we had to go out with a bang. And so finally she came home so we talked a little.... a lot. Watched 7 brides for 7 brothers. And then went and played a round of Nintendo 64 Mario Party. And you know what? We did go off with a bang.

The next morning, we packed all of her things into her car and me and my mom went with her and watched her start to put together her new home. We said a cheery goodbye and were off. There were no tears until that night however, at 2am hit and I realized she wasn't going to be coming home. The words my mom had said after out goodbye had finally hit me.

BACKGROUND CHECK:

Recently me and my mom had a Harry Potter marathon. A re-read-re-watch. Read a book, watch a movie and so on.

She said: In the 7th Harry Potter, I really loved how JK said that once Harry leaves the house for good (this final time) he leaves the charm of his mothers protection forever.

So now at night I think of things that I could do the next day, or hang upside down on my new big bed that feels like it will swallow me, or press the end button on my phone a million times only to find that no one has texted me.

I only hope that i will get into a better routine. But, I know that things will never be the same, in my house and especially in my heart, because as I w=once said on my good friend Facebook, 'The only thing that could ever make me happy just walked out the door.' and this time, I am going to add 'forever.'

Mistletoe: Probably Full Of Nargles.

I made it a another whole year without being caught under some mistletoe with a boy. Sad? Perhaps. Happy? Maybe. One thing for sure is that I have seen more of it this year than I have any other year. Maybe it's that I have just been thinking about it more this year than others. But, I am going to give my self the benefit of the doubt and say that there has just been an extraordinarily large amount of it this year. Maybe it's that because I have entered high school I have just seen a lot more kissing. Every time I go to my locker I have to squirm my way around a kissing couple right above me. So here I am on the floor, trying with much fail to open my locker, with these people kissing above me. It's a rather awful situation.

I have found myself stealing more and more time under certain doorways where I have noted the mistletoe. Though people usually walk through another door then the one that I seem to be absent-mindedly rummaging for a book or just looking into the classroom to see if I want to go in yet. But alas, I have been too hopeful. It seems like every boy in the world seems to disappear at those moments. Next year I am thinking. But either way. They're probably full of Nargles.