Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Welcome to Narnia






I was going for the Narnia look. Thats what I was shooting towards, at least. I think I got more of a pirate look. At least that is what everyone said it looked like. I had been watching t.v. and then comes on the what, 14th Narnia trailer? And I saw this girls outfit, and I knew I needed it. Bad. I thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life trying to find all of the things to make this outfit look like hers. But, I went down and started looking through my closet and I had the entire outfit. Simple. Easy. Whatever. The great search was over. Halloween close enough a couple of minutes ago, but now it seemed too far. Tomorrow? Could I pull this off as a school outfit? Works for me. I wasn't going to wait that long to wear this. I had it now. I was going to wear it the next day.
I woke up, put on the outfit and looked in the mirror. Yeah, no way this is happening. I started to take off my shirt, and for some reason reached into the genie pants pocket. Inside was something I could have expected. The little tag at the end of a tea bag. It had a quote written on it.




So, I left it on. This is who I am. And so, I was proud of it. I didn't really care all day. I had thee most best photographer in the world Erin Davis, take a snapshot of the moment, you know, after we looked up the girl, and tried to imitate her. It was great.

And now... who is next??





Monday, January 24, 2011

Running Across The World Without Shoes.

Today, Kelsey, Ciara and myself were driving home from school, just talking about random things really, when Ciara, told me that she had been reading my blog. That, made me feel like a goddess. I mean, honestly, someone who takes the time to read this, and then tells me in person or somewhat in person that they enjoyed it, is my hero. So. Thank you. I love you. A lot. So, I told her that. I told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then the car stopped. Kelsey yelled that to get out of her car. Something about her not being the best thing that ever happened to me. So, I opened the door, and jumped out just as she was driving away.
I stood there laughing while I watched them drive away, knowing they were laughing too. I just waited there. This scenario had happened a million times. We mockingly yell, you spring from the car, and they speed off. Then, sooner than later, they turn around and you get back in, and tell everyone you know how funny it all was. Note the sooner than later.
I watched them turn the corner, and then around the next. Umm... hello? Did you guys study up on what I just said? Forget something?? I am still here. I grabbed at my pocket thinking I could just call the dorks when I realized that I had been a dork myself. I had left my phone in the car that had just drove away from me. I had piano at three. What time was it? No idea. I hadn't put on my watch today. So, I took off my snake skin flats, a.k.a. uncomfortable flats, and started to run.

It was cold, and wet. But I didn't care. I felt... wonderful. For the first time in a long time. Like nothing could touch me. It was just the sun shinning through my hair, and my feet pounding on the ground. A shoe in each hand. My feet hadn't touched the ground since last fall. Princess feet now. Soft and smooth. All wear of climbing trees had been long gone. The road with the horrible rocks on it usually repulsed me. But my feet were numb in just seconds, and I couldn't feel anything. Just my spirit singing to what it really needed. I jumped over big mounds of mud, but ended up just treading right through the snow.

I don't exactly know what my soul needed, and I don't even know what it got. But I do know that it got something. And whatever it was. It was brilliant.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I forgot my wand...

So, we walked into the building, school building that is, me wishing that I could drive, when I heard a mummer of club day. I thought, club day!?! What! So I turned to my friends and said, "But it can't be club day. I am in the Harry Potter club, and I forgot my wand!"
Yes, I am in the Harry Potter club at my school. It's great. Actually it kind of sucks. Unorganized and underdeveloped. Don't get me wrong. I love Harry Potter, in fact I really wish that I was Hermione Granger. Jealous of her actually. However, I got a little sour on the first day when the sorting hat (a.k.a. random picking) sorted me into Gryfinndor. I have always wanted to be in Ravenclaw. I mean, honestly? Whatever. I just have to keep telling myself that it was completely random. It wasn't serious. I am still a true Ravenclaw. No matter what.

Favorite spell: Episkey
Wand: 12 inches, rosewood, a single hair from the tail of a particularly fine male unicorn as the core.
House: Ravenclaw. Is there really any better?
Best classes: Ancient ruins, potions, charms.




Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Am Poem.

In Mr. Roaches Honors English class today, after jotting down (as he likes to call it) some Eponym notes, he told us to write a 'quick' I Am poem. He gave us the format and, it actually was pretty quick. I mean, he gave us like just a couple minutes to actually write the poem. Mine, ended up, weird. Sucking. And pretty predictable. I called, I Am. Witty right?

I Am.

I am trying to find a door to another world.
I wonder when I will find it.
I hear the nagging voices surrounding me.
I see the handle in my view.
I want to reach it someday.
I am trying to find a door to another world.

I pretend I am elegant and held together.
I feel trapped and expiring.
I touch the surface of falling.
I worry it will break.
I cry out for help, but can't unearth any.
I feel lost and misunderstood.

I am trying to find a door to another world.
I say that I will find it.
I dream that I will.
I try to imagine what it will be like.
I hope it will show itself to me.
I am trying to find a door to another world.

I know right? Not the best thing ever. And I knew this while I was writing it. Like I would put down a word, thinking, wow this really sucks, and then went on with it. I mean, what is this shit about falling? ... through what?
I noticed the clock edging closer and closer to the end of the class, he wanted everyone to read their poem. I was in the middle of the room, I could make it. I knew I could. we went along, everyone reading. He got to me, and I finished the last 'world' and the bell rang. Honestly. An extra 30 seconds and I wouldn't have had to read mine out loud to the class. Carma or whatever I guess.
So, I was in my Spanish class, sitting in my new seat at the only table in the entire class without one boy, thinking about my little poem. I thought of quite a few things that I should have and definitely could have said instead. Ironically, I still named it: I Am.

I Am.

I am Amelia Pullman.
'I wonder' is the song that I love to sing in the shower.
I hear only the things that I want to hear. Usually.
I see more with contacts in than glasses.
I want pretty much everything.
I am Amelia Pullman.

I pretend I am perfect, when I know that I am not.
I feel my socks and they are bothering me.
I touch a lot of air. My arms are always waving about.
I worry constantly and about everything.
I cry, yes I do.
I feel like there is too much feeling.

I am Amelia Pullman.
I say. More like talk everyones ears off.
I dream more than I actually carry out.
I try my very hardest. Most of the time.
I hope that I will be happy. Just content. Satisfied. Happy.
I am Amelia Pullman.

Now I just wish that I had an extra 30 seconds in Honors English again.



Sunday, January 9, 2011

Partners In Crime

All of Max's jokes are becoming funny to me now. Maybe its because I haven't been around enough funny people lately, or maybe it's because I just feel like laughing, or maybe it's because he just really is funny. we have never really gotten along before and one of the only times that we get along perfectly is while playing video games. We love it. We are the best at it when we are together. The number one game these past couple of weeks has been Nintendo 64 Mario party. We have played it so many times we know how many coins we are going to get after a duel. but we have also pulled out other games, like: Donkey Kong, Banjo Kazooie, Brawl (which I am becoming quite excellent at,) Bomber Man, DDR, Wii fit, Jack and Daxter.... blah blah blah, and of course the crowning jewel, Zelda. Both Nintendo and Wii Zelda games are awesome. Zelda is our best friend. once of the only reasons I have to live at the moment. I am going to be Zelda someday.
Max know that if he wants to make me immediately and ultra happy all he has to say is that if I had a long dress on I would pretty much look exactly like Zelda herself.
But what I am really trying to say here is not that video games are amazing, but that lately the feelings between me and my brother are completely different. They are completely better.

Essay

Here is an essay I wrote. Totally profound enough and well, bloggish enough to put on here. Look just below at my last blog and you will find the real reason I am putting it on here. A sequel really.
(honors book report.)

Losing a Friend


The people whom you love the most often times take the greatest exit or, maybe it just seems to you as the greatest exit because of their great presence in your life. We all have people who leave us, either forever or just temporarily. Recently like Greit, the main character in Girl With A Pearl Earring, who moved out into the world, my sister did also.

Greit left her sister Agnes, who was also her best friend behind. Though the change could have been temporary and she did not think that she would be leaving her forever, she indeed did. When you leave the protection of your home you leave it forever, stepping out of one world and entering another. The end of the book holds a beautiful paragraph from Greit’s point of view; “When we were children Frans and Agnes and I would throw stones to shatter the thin ice until every sliver had disappeared under the water. It seemed like a long time ago.” She said this after seeing something that triggered a memory. It is comforting to me to think that she still thought about and missed what once was.

Ironically, the same as Greit, my sister left at the first of the week and we didn’t hear from her until the following Sunday. The book said, “Only thieves and children run. And I ran the whole way home.” I inferred that she thought herself to be still a child and ready to come home. But, as I have said before, this was not her home anymore. And though she was indeed ready for a visit, she was no longer a child. She came back more as an adult. In just that one week so much had changed about her. My sister came back the same way. Ready for a visit, but no longer to her home. She came back different. The air about her was stronger and seemed to hold more wisdom than it had when she left. She seemed my superior now, where before we had always been equals. She was still my best friend but there was something that would never be the same between us.

Agnes walked Greit to the edge of town to be able to have a private moment. Their conversation was quiet and is where my favorite quote is found:

When we were alone, I asked her how she was. “Lonely,” she replied, a sad word from a young girl. She had been lively all day but had now grown subdued.

“I’ll come back every Sunday,” I promised. “And perhaps during the week I can come quickly say hello after I’ve gone for the meat or fish.”

“Or I can come and see you when you are out buying things,” she suggested, brightening.

We did manage to meet in the meat hall several times. I was always glad to see her – as long as I was alone. (45)

At the end of my sisters Sunday visit, I walked outside with her to her car. She also asked me how I was, and without realizing until now of how much we copied the above conversation, I said one word. “Lonely”. She then promised me that she would come back every Sunday to see me. She then reminded me that in just a few months time I would be sixteen and driving and it would be much easier for us to see each other during the week. This brightened my mood also. All I can do now is hope that she still is happy to see me every time we meet.

At one point in the book Agnes becomes very sick and ends up dying. This was tragic to me. Greit mentions how nothing would ever be the same in the house where she once lived because Agnes is now gone. She constantly remembers the memories she and her little sister shared. She grieves over the treasure she has lost. Now I have not yet died, nor do I plan to. The only thing that I can see dying is the future memories that I want to have with my sister, as did Greit with Agnes. I hope that will never happen, and Tracy Chevaliers words made me realize that harsh reality of losing something that is so precious like this.

It's Called Eliza Withdrawals

So, she moved out. Yeah. Big deal. Actually a very big deal in my book. My roommate for 15 years has up and left me. I don't even hardly know what to do with myself. I have spread all of my things out in my room to fill the empty space, but now it just looks... well, big and spread out and still empty. My room was actually a disaster even after she left. A Surprise. Yes, yes I know, I didn't jump right onto cleaning up the tornado that had so often hit. And if you know me it would seem like a task that I would be eager to take on. But, I let everything just sit on the ground. Me with it all, feeling confused and unsure of what to do with it all. My mom finally kicked me in the butt and told me to start cleaning. Something she has hardly ever had to do with me.
It is the nights that are the weirdest. I used to wait up until 12 or sometimes even 1 for her to come home, and then we would watch t.v. or or talk or sometimes even bring me food like ice cream or something doughy because she knows that's what I love or she would come and scoot me over and fall asleep on my twin bed with me. Those were the best and the worst nights all at the same time. But on that last night that she was still truly living at home I waited up until 2 . I wouldn't go to sleep. It was our last night and we had to go out with a bang. And so finally she came home so we talked a little.... a lot. Watched 7 brides for 7 brothers. And then went and played a round of Nintendo 64 Mario Party. And you know what? We did go off with a bang.
The next morning, we packed all of her things into her car and me and my mom went with her and watched her start to put together her new home. We said a cheery goodbye and were off. There were no tears until that night however, at 2am hit and I realized she wasn't going to be coming home. The words my mom had said after out goodbye had finally hit me.

BACKGROUND CHECK:
Recently me and my mom had a Harry Potter marathon. A re-read-re-watch. Read a book, watch a movie and so on.

She said: In the 7th Harry Potter, I really loved how JK said that once Harry leaves the house for good (this final time) he leaves the charm of his mothers protection forever.

So now at night I think of things that I could do the next day, or hang upside down on my new big bed that feels like it will swallow me, or press the end button on my phone a million times only to find that no one has texted me.
I only hope that i will get into a better routine. But, I know that things will never be the same, in my house and especially in my heart, because as I w=once said on my good friend Facebook, 'The only thing that could ever make me happy just walked out the door.' and this time, I am going to add 'forever.'


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Mistletoe: Probably Full Of Nargles.

I made it a another whole year without being caught under some mistletoe with a boy. Sad? Perhaps. Happy? Maybe. One thing for sure is that I have seen more of it this year than I have any other year. Maybe it's that I have just been thinking about it more this year than others. But, I am going to give my self the benefit of the doubt and say that there has just been an extraordinarily large amount of it this year. Maybe it's that because I have entered high school I have just seen a lot more kissing. Every time I go to my locker I have to squirm my way around a kissing couple right above me. So here I am on the floor, trying with much fail to open my locker, with these people kissing above me. It's a rather awful situation.
I have found myself stealing more and more time under certain doorways where I have noted the mistletoe. Though people usually walk through another door then the one that I seem to be absent-mindedly rummaging for a book or just looking into the classroom to see if I want to go in yet. But alas, I have been too hopeful. It seems like every boy in the world seems to disappear at those moments. Next year I am thinking. But either way. They're probably full of Nargles.